8.35am
“Hurry up Dash, we’re gonna be late”
Friday mornings are always a rush for me, especially now Troy and Zoe have upped their training regime and go three mornings a week. On Friday’s I work between school hours, so not having Troy home to help in the morning (and provide me with my morning coffee) really puts me on the back foot. They’ve been getting back from their run after I’ve left for school drop off.
By the time I get to the school, all the parks are taken near the gate. I’ve got my killer heals on so don’t particularly want to walk a block and half. There is a very selfish Audi that parks right in the middle of a strip that is big enough for three cars. All the first car that arrives has to do is park right at the front or right at the back. But no, this stupid life bothering Audi parks in the first two thirds of the entire strip so only one car can get in behind – not enough room to back into the first park. God I feel like keying it.
“For Fuck Sake, Son of a Bitch, stupid car” I declare as we drive past
“Mum! you said a naughty word” Dash says with reproach
“What I say?”
“You said ‘stupid'”
“Fair point. Sorry” I apologise (jeez I have got to stop swearing)
It takes me five minutes to get to the classroom in my stilts, by the time I get there, Dash has done all her morning jobs on her own, so I say good bye and turn around and walk back. Half way to work I realise I’ve forgotten my laptop….FAAAARK – no use getting into work without my work laptop, so I do a U-e and head back for home.
9.16am – Normally I’m at work about twenty past nine. Lucky my job is flexible, I’ll just make up my time next week.
I open the front door and as per usual my useless guard dog just sits on the couch and watches me enter the house, he’s more timid and likely to lick an intruder to death, than bark and attack. As my laptop is right at the front door so I don’t forget it (fat lot of effing good that did) I’m just planning on grabbing it and not even entering the house but as I bend to grab it, I hear a voice.
At first I’m startled but think if Deputy isn’t cowering in the corner it must be someone he knows. I know my in-laws have a key, or maybe Troy hasn’t left for work yet. Then I hear a second voice, a woman. Now I’m concerned. Without thinking, on instinct I slip off my massive healed boots and sneak into the house in my socks, I head to the direction of the voices (my bedroom!) and discreetly listen. From my vantage point I can see in the reflection of the bedroom window a woman on my bed in my dressing gown. She has bare feet and her blonde hair is wet. She says,
“Just put them all over Troy” It’s Zoe!
“Can’t that wait I have to get in” Troy says exasperated. I can hear him, but I can’t see him. There’s a pause then he says,
“Oh okay, but I have to be quick, I can’t be late for work three days in one week”
“This is more important than anything waiting for you at work babe”
“Zo you don’t have to tell me something I don’t know, this is the most risky, exciting thing I’ve ever done, but I just feel so guilty”
“I know, believe it or not I do too, but she’ll thank us in the end for not telling her”
Before I hear Troy’s response I tip toe out and close the front door behind me.
I don’t know how I did it, I don’t even remember it. But I’m in my work car park, with my boots on and my laptop on the passenger seat with my handbag. I put the hand break on and turn off the ignition. Then it hits me. There’s no more denying it, my husband is having an affair with my best friend.
I feel like I’m having a heart attack – or is this what they mean by a broken heart? It’s as if someone or something has clawed through my chest and ripped my heart from it’s aorta. Although no longer attached to me I can still feel whatever it is compressing my heart to the point of it exploding. It’s agony, it’s as if something is eating me alive. I must sit in that car for forty-five minutes if not an hour. Every time I think I’ve got my howling under control, it resumes, steadier, harder, more gut wrenching than before. Finally I start to think rationally of sorts.
It’s not like I didn’t know. I knew, I just chose to ignore it. It’s true. I’ve become one of those wives I’ve said I would never be. I always said, to Troy if he ever cheated on me, his ass would be on the footpath faster than Australia changes Prime Ministers. And he would be sorry, I’d say. But here I am, probably for the last four to six months knowing that something was going on and chose to turn the other cheek. Why?
Well a) it’s easier b) I didn’t want Dash to have to live at two different houses c) he was still treating me good so why mess with that d) Zoe and I were still getting along so why mess with that e) I get to stay in my house and our bank account is still joint, so why mess with that f) it’s less disruptive to my life plan if I just ignore it. It really is the easy option isn’t it? I mean what good could come of actually raising the point. A) I’d have to sell the house b) I would no longer have a best friend c) I would never have sex again d) I would have to be a single mum (Friday mornings home alone were bad enough) e) I’d never shop again cause I’d have no money f) I’d have to go back to work full-time g) which would mean I’d have to quit the gym h) which would mean I’d get fat, which is why c) would happen. So way more pros to stay than to go. Decision made. I’m going to be a complete hypocrite and not care. As long as nothing changes nothing needs to change. I mean we even rolled over on each other last night at three in the morning so it’s not like we are having problems in the bedroom. (Maybe that’s why he’s been more adventurous lately). I have to get into work. As I touch up my make-up, gather my laptop and handbag and struggle with locking the car, my phones beeps it’s usual text notification.
C U at ur house 3.30pm? Zo xxx
Usually she would be the one person I would turn to for advise but obviously that won’t be happening in this situation, come to think of it – Zoe has not provided the usual commentary on her sex life recently. I wonder if Luke knows? I wonder if Luke cares? I wonder if Luke knows and Zoe knows he knows? I wonder if Luke knows but has chosen to not rock the boat as I have?
Of course ☺J xx message sent
Tollana Adelaide Hills Cab Sauv is my red of choice – don’t feel like wasting one of my fave McLaren Vale merlots today, and just plain old Mersey Valley cheese with water crackers for nibbles. When we run out it’s time for her to leave. I know I can’t base a friendship on behaving this way, but it was only this morning I caught them together. I will get over it I promise. I just need a little time, a filthy work out at the gym, and a promising night with Troy to display my skills in bed. A night flirting with Luke won’t go astray either. Maybe I’ll arrange a night for the four of us to get together soon. I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking what the hell are you doing? Confront the bugga’s and tell them what you think and get the hell out of that marriage, because your deserve better! You’re also thinking why are you seeing Zoe tonight of all nights? Well I just can’t bring myself to cancel Dash Day without any pre-warning for the kids. They would be devod, and what excuse would I use?
“They’re here!” Dash shrieks and Harry runs in the back door and barrels Dash over. Right there I know I’ve made the right decision.
“Hi babe” Zo greets me. It sends shivers down my spine as I heard her call Troy that this morning.
“Hi” I say as she pours the wine and cuts some cheese.
“What did you do today?” I say, I know she has Friday’s off and normally sleeps, catching up from Thursday’s night shift. In all the years of our children’s lives, we’ve always avoided any work that would interfere with our Friday W&C days.
“Nothing much. Got home from my run with Troy and had a sleep till school pick up. You?”
“Just work.”
“Have you decided what you’re wearing to your date with Troy in a couple of weeks?”
“No not really, it will just be a simple outfit, cause it is just the movies”
“What? No purchase?”
“Well I didn’t say that – maybe the ban could be lifted for my birthday outfit, I mean I don’t think he’s got me a present or anything”
“Surely he’s got something special planned – it’s your fortieth”
She raises her glass to chink, and I respond. Forty. I can’t believe it actually. I always had this plan that my fortieth would be a huge wild party. I’ve said you should celebrate getting older cause seriously, what other options do you have? And here I am, again, doing something so mundane as to going to the movies for my birthday. I am really not where I expected to be, am I?
Zoe must pick up on my mood and gets out of her chair and hugs me. It’s an impromptu move and we don’t show physical affection very often but I’m grateful. Despite the reason for my mood (half the affair and quite honestly half not celebrating my birthday as I’d like) the comfort is reassuring. How could I abandon this friendship? If Troy is one half of me, Zo completes the other half. You know I think at this point if I had to live a ménage o trios’ to keep them both, I would. Once again today the universe is telling me this is okay. For whatever reason Troy needs Zo, I need them both, so this is how it has to be.
The rest of the afternoon goes without a hitch. I actually forget about any concerns with the two of them and for the first time in months I don’t have to be suspicious or worry about possibilities. I just know the truth and I don’t care. It’s a good place to be. Content with your own choices.
Healthy, Happy & Whole 