TEXT: J Can’t believe its 37 degrees finally. My place Fri, bring bathers (duh) Troy can come after work and you can all stay for dinner. Does Dash get out early too? If so come straight over, let yourself in through back gate if we’re running late. Is 2:30 too early to crack the wine …who am I kidding?? Never 2 early on Friday. Not sure I feel quite bikini ready yet but still so excited that it’s finally hot enough to christen pool, you feel me?? How’s your weight this week? saw you with Jed Monday, looking pretty toned and tanned, is that real?? Bring on Summer girlfriend. Zo Xx
TEXT: The tan is real but the toned appendages are fake! LOL just kidding, all real, you know me, don’t like pretenders! Keep it real sister. C U Fri. Jxxx
It’s finally summer and we could not be more pumped. With the surprise gym hall of fame party last weekend, already a distant memory with 5 more 2 kilometre swims under my belt, I feel like I’m in my happy place at the moment.
“Cheers to summer Jay” Zo says, as we chink glasses of our Rockford Alicante Bouchet Rose. The sun is shining brightly, biting at our skin, (we love the heat) so we’ve decided to go for a Rose, in Zo’s trendy coloured plastic wine glasses I bought her last birthday, having a no clear glass policy in our pools and all that. We sit poolside at the back patio as the kids change out of their uniforms and into bathers, both very hyper having finished school early for first day of school holidays. The cheeseboard contains a nice Margaret River Brie, Maggie Beer quince paste and gourmet Rosemary Lavosh with a small bowl of spicy rice crackers …hey we’re celebrating, it’s Summer! Despite both of us being the first to complain about excess weight, Friday snacking is considered necessary for survival, and as we’ve discussed before calories in alcohol don’t count, especially when it’s red or pale red medicine.
“I can’t believe we’re finally in our Bikini’s. I never thought I’d feel good again in a 2 piece”
“You always pull it off Zo, no matter how much weight you claim to put on over winter” I use my famous finger quotations again on weight and claim.
“I’m not sure how it happens Jay, I do really get a winter coat though, I mean you saw my Chicken wings triceps 6 weeks ago”
“It’s Bingo Wings, but Yeah, I guess, if you insist”
I know she always says this and grabs her fat which is not actually fat, but skins folds which you can’t see unless you actually forcefully grab at it. I get to the point where I just agree because you can’t argue with her about it, or it will drive us both crazy. Whatever the situation is on her fatometre, she somehow manages to snap her body summer ready once she mixes up her training and stops only running. (I tell her this all year but anyhow), she gets this glorious domino effect. It’s so frustrating, as I calorie count like a demon but I am stuck at 52.5kg. Zo always says I look great to her, with my tanned toned arms, a pert butt, hot legs and an attitude that transcends cellulite. She is also quick to point out that Troy always openly admires my hotness. Today she talks about my fantastic fashion style, and my cool flattering bathers that I have accessorised with a matching turquoise throw over dress I am rocking, over my hot turquoise bikini, with tie up waisted bottoms that hide any worry zones and a lovely silver buckle that draws attention to my cleavage. She even comments on my matching turquoise and silver thongs on my feet. All this I have quoted from her. I think I have an admirer.
Zo is wearing a new brown bikini she got online (She’s a self-confessed lazy shopper). She expresses how pleased she is that it matches her brown opaque sarong (also a gift from mwah a couple of years ago).
“Mummy, can we go in the pool yet?” Harrison yells, breaking my train of thought.
“Of course sweetie, as soon as you put sunscreen on, I’ll open the pool gate” replies Zo
“But Mummy, Darcy has already climbed the pool fence”
True to her nickname “Dash”, little monkey that she is, has managed to scale the childproof fence.
“Lucky the kids can swim” I chuckle as I slap a little extra sunscreen on Harry’s fair cheeks before letting him to the pool area the traditional way. Dash has olive skinned and much less prone to sunburn, so I am happy to assume her self-application is sufficient. I have faith. Anyway what’s the use of putting sunscreen on if you’re jumping immediately into the pool, it just washes straight off and creates a film on the pool surface leaving you no protection. I once put sunscreen on after I’d painted some timber chairs with oil based paint only to find it acted as turpentine and removed all the paint from arms and hands. I mean that can’t be good putting that shit all over your body all the time. I don’t bother reiterating this to Zo, cause she’s the Doctor.
Kids are splashing away, music is pumping through Luke’s personally installed outside speakers (an advantage of being married to an AV/IT whiz) and Zo and I can resume our catch up.
“So tell me about what Luke did while we were at the gym show?”
“He went out with my med friends and got so drunk he felt he had to walk home in disgrace, poor thing felt he was out of place at said outing, having put on some weight he’d previously lost at a gym-run body transformation challenge, so drank to get through”.
“and he vomited on himself on the way home?”
“Yep, still getting some leverage out of that lapse in behaviour, usually it’s our wild ways up for criticism!”
“We’re not wild Zo, just hot and happening”
“Hah – do ya think Jed noticed our hot moves on dance floor?”
“Can’t have missed them babe..chink!” we connect our plastic
We giggle knowing full well, that was not the topic of conversation on the tail end of the night, as Zo unscrews our second bottle and tops up our glasses.
“What are you two laughing about?”, we look up to notice Troy’s arrived, having just run over, jumping straight in to join the kids in the pool.
Bugger, not that we don’t love the guys, but we can’t help wondering where the time has gone today. We both look at our watches and can’t believe it’s 5:30 already…well we are onto our second bottle I suppose. Hell it’s the start of summer, why fight it!
“Hi Babe, hi Zoggs”. Troy’s nickname for Zo, we all met together, and his mates named her Zoggs (aka goggle eyes), cause she was a glass wearing geek. “See you girls are enjoying your wine. Jay can you get me a beer? Where’s Luke?”
At that Zo’s phone rings, “Jay, it’s Luke on the phone, he’s leaving work now, do we need anything? I’ve got chilli squid, stuff for salad and baked potatoes and nuggets for kids”.
“Beers!” shouts Troy, as he surfaces from a nimble (not) dive into the pool.
“We’re good for wine Zo”, I reply, then we both simultaneously think and yell “but cosmos!” Luke has a talent for cocktails, even puts icing sugar around the rim of our glasses.
“Okay Babe, see you soon”, she hangs up from Luke and yells to Troy, “He’ll be here shortly, to fire up the barbie.”
Luckily our husbands get along well, although Troy struggles to understand Luke’s obsession with the latest tech gadget but has learnt to smile and nod.
“So Zo, you were going to tell me about your fiasco from triathlon last weekend.” She’d just bought a bike the year before at Luke’s encouragement and started triathlons over summer due to recurrent running injuries from her first love, running.
“Okay, so I’ve finished the swim, not last for once, as you know swimming being my weakest link”
“You mean like when the swimming teacher said you were untrainable, a bit like Marley on the movie Marley and Me”?
“He said teaching me tumble turns was not possible, not swimming in general, Jeez Jay”
“Sorry” I chose not to remind her she had been receiving adult swimming lessons for a year now, initially couldn’t manage a 25 metre lap of a pool, and now she thinks swimming 300-400m in open water is money well spent on swimming lessons.
“Anyway” she continues “had a great transition onto the bike and was thinking I might be up for a PB here. I hear Luke and Harrison cheering from the sidelines, ‘Go Zoey’, ‘Go Mummy’, all is great. Then I hear Luke yell ‘You’ve got your helmet on backwards you twit’”
“Not your new pink one?” I nearly wee my pants, I cross my legs, I rock, I bang the table trying not to let any out.
“Yep, that’s right the very one Luke bought me especially, so I’d look cooler than in my old dorky one!”
I’m choking on my cheese by now I’m laughing so hard. “I think I might pee my pants” I sputter “go on, what’d you do?”
“What could I do, had to stop, unclip from my pedals, get off and change the helmet around. Left a big dent in my forehead. Then back on with the race. Mortifying!”
“And your PB?”
“Shot to hell”
“You know if it had been me, I would have just kept riding”
“I know but you’re hot and competitive and would have gotten away with it”
“So are you”
“Not at the expense of my reputation in the riding industry”
“Fair enough” I chuckle what reputation? I silently muse.
Luke then arrives with all extra ingredients required for a big night, and we waste no time getting started.
During the night I notice Troy and Zo whispering here, giggling there, conspiring somewhere else, even go missing for I calculate 20 minutes. I can tell Luke is trying to distract me from noticing. What the HELL is going on?
A couple of hours later, dripping bathers and towels askew, kids red faced and exhausted, we’re polishing off more barbequed chilli squid and baked potatoes than any of us need, we all chink glasses again…”cheers to Summer…and friendship…and wine and beer and cosmos” Zoe rattles off half pissed. I chink but I do not smile. Everyone ignores my reverence. This is getting beyond a joke.
Once the kids are passed out in the playroom, Troy scoops up Dash and heads to the car while Luke carries Harry over his shoulder in a fireman’s lift upstairs.
Zoe and I embrace on the doorstep. “So your place next week Jay?”
“Of course” I say through clenched teeth, not that she’d notice she’s so blind.
“Sounds like a plan” she replies and slams the door in my face.
I avoid Troy for the rest of the weekend.
Healthy, Happy & Whole 