I am floating in Zo’s pool on a most glorious day – Troy is being unusually obnoxious – deliberately ignoring any of my requests to put things away and tidy up (I am not sure why I am asking him to tidy up at Zoe’s). I can see everyone at the party is noticing the tension between us. Later in the afternoon I glance over and see Zoe giving Troy a blow job on the side of the pool!! WTFW!! Luke is unruffled and trying to console and calm me.
“It’s no big deal Jay, I don’t even think she’s really giving him head – I think she’s pretending”
“Who gives a fuck? – why aren’t you worried?” I scream. Suddenly I can’t stand it any longer and I let out the loudest roar – WTF – I sound like a lion. No seriously, I sound like an actual lion.
I wake up in a cold sweat. OMG what an awful dream. I get up to grab a glass of water, hearing Troy snoring as I trudge towards the kitchen. A short stop at the loo on the way back and as I sit there I ponder what could have made me dream such a thing.
I know I have been having some pretty peculiar feelings about Zo and Troy lately – all very paranoid I am sure. Probably stemming from my insecurities of my weight, being sick, my bad knee, unsettled in my job, blah, blah, blah. It was just a stupid dream. Don’t think about it.
As I crawl back under the covers I can’t help but recall what JPT told me today at the gym.
‘You know I saw Zoe walk into the Hilton on Wednesday, she was with some guy, definitely not Luke, he looked familiar though, I’m sure he’s been at some gym parties. He was good looking. What would she have been doing with some strange guy, in a Hotel room? Seems a bit strange to me. I was going to go over and say hello – you know I work at the Hilton bistro – anyway I didn’t because they looked, well, busy if you know what I mean. I’m pretty sure I heard her say Tom, or Tony or Tim, something starting with a T anyway. She kept touching his arm and they were laughing. Oh well just silly Jazzy gossip I’m sure.’
Silly Jazzy Gossip. Hummmm. Well how silly is it? God I hate how after midnight, things always seem worse. When JPT was telling me this I didn’t feel as bad as I do now thinking about it.
Speaking of JPT, Zoe and I have become more tolerant of Jazzy Perky Tits lately – note to self – must stop calling her that or it’s going to slip out in front of her one day. It turns out she’s recently injured herself (or is unwell), hard to tell which because she won’t quite say, but anyway, we both know how depressing that can be. Zoe dropped something to her the other day at her house to help with her ankle. Despite her annoying qualities I feel sorry for her. It can’t be easy being fit, toned, tanned and terrific then not being able to do anything. I think deep down under that skin she’s a little insecure. I’ve learnt with all my years of pearled wisdom, most life botherers are borne from insecurity. So – we’ve decided to give JPT a break and try and make an effort…. I know I sound holier than thou, but let me explain the annoying qualities JPT possesses. 1. She’s a jealous cow – why? From all appearances she is the one that seems to have everything, I guess that’s the thing from judging a book by it’s cover. 2. She’s a gossip. 3. She’s self-centered. No matter what you’re talking about it will always revolve around Jazzy eventually. Sometimes I feel like saying ‘it’s not about you Jazzy’. 4. She’s painstakingly anally retentive – a quality Zoe can relate to more than myself as I am the biggest female slob I know, but I once put the weights back in the wrong spot in the gym and she told management on me! 5. She’s a closed book, never shares anything about herself (which is why I’m not sure how she injured her ankle).
She is a serious life botherer. Too busy bothering others to get on with her own. You may have a neighbor or a family member like this. You may also wonder why we are making an effort if she’s so difficult to be around. Well I’ve seen her with her dog, and she really is a good person, just annoying. Maybe she just needs a real friend(s)
I started the effort making, by chatting at the end of one class, when she wasn’t going hell for leather – that’s how I found out about her injury (or whatever it is). And Zo, well she made an effort when I told her JPT had a problem with her ankle, and dropped off a support brace for her.
Any way it’s early days, we will persist.
I try to be a good person, I believe in the power of the mind, karma, that everything in the universe is connected, that’s it good to be good and if you want to stop the cycle of reincarnation you need to find enlightenment. I know I have had a past life because I have an unhealthy fear of being buried alive. It must have happened in a past life. I have made Troy promise to bury me in a Shroud so if I’m still breathing at the funeral I can escape. If I don’t come out then, just burn me – DO NOT BURY ME. Anyway, I guess some might call me a Buddhist (not that a label means anything to me), problem is for you to find enlightenment you need to quiet the mind and I don’t practice meditation – I’ve tried but it’s quite obvious I can’t shut my mouth or mind up for 5 seconds. Looks like I’ll be on this roundabout reincarnation thing before I get to Nirvana for lifetimes to come yet. Anyway I think JPT is a fine human being and I accept her for not being who I want her to be. There – that should bring be good karma ……speaking of shutting my mind up I have GOT to get some sleep. I am meeting Zo (and Harry) tonight for W&C so I must put everything I’ve heard to the back of my mind. I’m sure it’s nothing. Just silly misgivings. We’re fine. We’re all fine.
Healthy, Happy & Whole 