TGIF Chapter 2



Subject: C2B training

Date: 16th July

Hey there Zo,

Well done for kicking the gym teams buts girl, at the city to bay training on Saturday.  You are a running machine.  5 minutes ahead of the entire group is amazing, I’m sure you distracted everyone behind, with your whipping blond ponytail down to your perfectly constructed arse. Pity your make up made you look like a zebra/panda due to the torrential rain at the end.  Oh and the sliding on your arse in the mud on the oval thing didn’t help right?.. but hey you still kicked but.  (I saw the gym photo on line Soz – not that flattering).

Trained with Jed this week, he just kept telling me that if I do the same thing I get the same results – which quite frankly I’m sick of hearing.  I am NEVER giving up Wine and Cheese Friday.  Any way other than that I leg pressed 120 kg this week, and rocked out in pump and freestyle step – while you were running your ass off in the rain, I was upstairs pumping in the comfort of air-conditioning and rocking musak… Axil Rose has made the #73 pump with Sweet Child of Mine.  Love it when they include 80’s and 90’s classics.

Well I’m at work so I better go. ENJOY your study for your EMST (whatever the hell that stands for).  Ha ha (at least I’m getting paid to do something that sux).

BTW I heard Perky Tits Jazzy did useless on the run – man she may have  looked good (even as a drowned rat), but she’s so unco, Jed will never notice her.  The rumor is he likes cougars anyway! You feel me? 😊

WTFW do I have to wait till Friday for a nice crumbly 36 month aged cheddar and a Barossa Merlot… who am I kidding, I’ll have the wine tonight!

Luv J xx


Saw u @ gym today with Jed.  U look  good. What r u weighing in @.  Zo ☺

52.3 22% BF.  Btw dash is getting guided reading at school because English is her 2nd language!  LOL Jxx

WTF? Zo☺

Apparently it’s because she’s Asian.  Jxx

I’ve got the Red Dot Merlot from McLaren Vale breathing and the 36mth old Epicure Mainlaind cheese warming to room temperature.  We’re having it with water crackers and Maggie Beers’ Chardonnay quince today.  I always get home before Zoe and Harrison because Darcy’s school breaks up 15 minutes before Harry’s.  Darcy AKA Dash is my daughter.  She’s six – sorry six and a half.  She’s in year one at school.  When she was 6 months old, she started to crawl and within 5 weeks she was running.  Hence she earned the name Dash from her father.  And it’s stuck.  We adopted her at 3 months old.

“So they said it’s because she was not born in Australia. Never mind the fact that she was, that she has never heard anything but English, except for the Indonesian she’s learning at school, and that we are her legal guardians and parents due to her adoption”

“What bureaucracy.  She may have Asian birth parents but she never met them or heard them speak.”

“Exactly, it’s total BS”

“Mum, Dash just slammed her door on me” (Dobber…oops sorry did I say that out loud, I mean that was Harry)

“She’s probably tired Harry, she had a big day at school” I rub his hair affectionately.  “She hasn’t had much sleep this week” I say to him as I turn to Zoe

“I don’t know where she get’s that kind of behaviour from?”.  We both know full well where it’s from.  I’ve broken many a door jam since the age of fifteen – whether it was from a fight with Zoe, when mum was in my face or just trying to keep my brother out or even now when Troy and I argue.

“I’ll go check on her”  I stand up and head towards her room.  As I slowly and gently push the door handle down and quietly slide the door open I fully expect her to be on the other side, using all her body weight (all twenty kilo’s of it) to keep me out.  There’s no resistance so I push it further and sneak a look around the corner.  I spy her on her bed all curled up like a turtle with it’s head in it’s shell.  She’s snoring.

I come back and put “How to Train Your Dragon” on the TV.  It’s been Harry’s favorite even though released in 2010.

“Honey come watch a DVD – Dash is asleep”

He leaps over and launches himself in the air and plants himself in the bean bag, screams “ah me nuts” as he grabs them on landing, as boyish like as you can imagine.

“Well that should give us a good hour and a half of uninterrupted catch-up time”  I smile “I’ll grab another bottle shall I?”

We reminisce about our first fight of me slamming a door on a holiday on the Gold Coast and breaking the light shade shattering into a million pieces in the apartment we were staying in for Schoolies.  Barb was pissing me off, she was Zo’s ex best friend as was Sharon, my ex best friend. One Friday night while the four of us were shopping in Rundle Mall 4 years prior to the Gold Coast trip, Barb and Sharon decided they were tall, so they formed a tall club, ostracizing us to form our own “short club”, we have been BFF’s ever since.  The four of us still hung out together but clearly the loyalties shifted that night.  On this particular slamming of the door incident, Barb accused me of cheating on Troy (who hadn’t arrived at the gold Coast yet – and yes we started going out in high school).  I had done an all-nighter with a ‘holiday fling’ and by all-nighter I mean I had been a prick tease and talked till dawn while watching sunrise over Surfer’s Paradise Beach, then said ‘good night’.  Poor guy, he wasted all night with me.  Any way I’d had enough of her insinuating comments and accusations, so walked out and slammed the door behind me!. I shit myself thinking we would get kicked out because I didn’t know what I’d broken, but we all made up later that night.  Barb even cleaned up my mess.

That night we decided to do a skinny deep in the Ocean, OMG we were such rebels…So at midnight we did, I think we lasted all of 12 seconds, then grabbed our towels and caught the lift straight back up to the 12th floor doing the walk of shame, to wash the sand out our ass and every other orifice. Surfers Paradise waves smashed us.  We all had an innocent shower together and Barb decided it would be funny to stuff a tampon up her nose, forgetting I suppose that they expand when filled with fluid – OMG she could not get that fucker out and we had to give her multiple glasses of vodka on the rocks to ease her pain that night. Oh the memories.

Anyway, needless to say, we both still live in the world of the vertically challenged, have an only child, exactly a year apart, share a passion for red wine, cheese, exercise (which Zo insists is her doing, but she  can’t deny the 80s oz style aerobic videos I was addicted to before me met) and an obsession with our weight (I have more ownership on that one because I have more to lose!).  BONUS – Troy & Luke (Zo’s hubby) get on like a house on fire, sometimes more emotive DMC’s then me and Zo.

Well almost wetting my pants from laughter and doing a small vomey in my mouth from draining 3 bottles of red, it was time to encourage Zo to leave, and ‘How to Train A Dragon’ had finished after all. Dash was still asleep.