Eye of the storm

Calm cool collected and super excited, is how I’m feeling about my up coming major (major as people keep informing me) surgery.

However there is a sneaky, wee bit of anxiety, fear, nerves and trepidation hovering just outside my comfort zone ‘re the impending transformation.

As much as I am a veteran with hospitals, surgeries, procedures, conditions, illness (you should see my rap sheet when completing my admission), this is by far the most serious surgery I have ever had and hopefully ever will.

I am excited about the new me, a chapter closing, a door being shut, turning a corner, transforming, being me again, another lived experience, testing my resiliance, my pain thresh hold, my mind set, my courage.

I am fearful of not waking up, of it all going pear shaped, of a failed end result, of my restricted mobility, of my condelesing for 6 weeks, of an imagined success that is not realistic, of falling back into bad unhealthy eating and exercise habits because I’ll be relying on others for nutrition and movement.

I have just turned a corner with my weight loss and hit some milestones with my new sustainable eating habits and regular activity. I am hopeful I can maintain a level of a low-carb diet while being prepared meals although I know a ham and cheese sandwich is an easy go to for a caretaker in regards to shopping and prep.

I have been told by the surgeon, my GP, my oncologist, the surgery clinic, a nurse from recovery, a surgical porter and hearsay from many who know of someone who has walked this path before me – this is big. This is painful, the surgery is long and complex and the recovery is slow and tedious.

So while I’m feeling the best I have right now in 20 months (pre Mission Australia), I know it’s 2 steps forward and 1 step backwards, which is a little hard to swallow, especially when this is, let’s be real, for aesthetic reasons and in a sense elective! What the actual? WTFW? Am I really doing this?

You bet your arse. Ring the bell, time to step in the mother fucking ring (which is a square), and go another round, gloves off, on the ropes, take the hits, don’t you throw in the towel on me!

Happy days xx