It has been relentless.
People have said I’m brave, a tough cookie a little battler, but truth is I’m not special. Anyone who has been to chemo with me can see we are all that and more.
Personally I feel I have lost just a little bit of myself & no I haven’t had surgery yet! Take Fletcher’s passing for example: I haven’t broken down, wailed nor have I been mad or angry re my diagnosis. I’m scared if I start feeling these emotions I won’t stop, and I can’t live the rest of my life like that.
So while u might think I’m so strong or brave or tough or whatever, deep down I’m scared as he’ll but on 2nd thought I’ve lived the last 20 years like that. And while I’d like to scream ” it’s not fair “, I’m not the sickest, worst off or youngest in that chemo room and that’s when I remind myself of what I have, and stop dwelling on what I don’t.
It hasn’t been easy but nothing worth while ever is right? I’m not even half way through my treatment and yet I am thankful I have treatment to be offered. This is a lonely road no matter how much support you have. Tell your loved ones you love them xx
Happy days x
Published by Debra Mesecke
I was 21 and I was planning a wedding, buying a house and had a job interview for the job of my dreams on my 22nd birthday. You see I was being made redundant and had to find a new job by August. Especially with the new mortgage now. It was April. I worked for CML and my new job was a done deal. All I needed was a medical. And with that, just like that....my life was turned upside down and I was diagnosed with CML, ha ha, I know the irony. My hematologist had a laugh at that too. I had Chronic Myeloid Leukeamia, which was normally reserved for 70 year old men. Quite rare for a young adult to get, so how would they treat it? I underwent two separate trials until finally it was decided my best chance of survival (all be it only 50% chance), would be a MUD BMT (matched unrelated bone marrow transplant), now known as VUD Allograt (volunteer unrelated donor). I was told 21 years ago the chance of finding a match was 1 in 20,000 (and that is everyone was on the bone marrow donor registry). Scary odds. So being the risk taker I am I said "go for it". They found a match and that was my first miracle in this journey. The second miracle was, it worked - new blood type, two different DNA profiles and the miracle of medicine was reborn inside me. The third miracle is my son.
25 years on, I now face a new challenge. Breast Cancer. Certainly not the first person to have cancer, to have invasive ductile cancer, hormone receptive and HER2 +, or to even have a dual diagnosis. But this is not another Webiste about a cancer survivor, this is just my excuse to finally publicly write. Along the way I am hoping I can share some insights I have learnt over the years and at the same time, give you a good belly laugh.
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2 thoughts on “Truth 1”
Love you Deb ❤
Love you, my beautiful friend. xxxx